Patience or Pruning?

I recently got married for the first time, at the age of 41.  And people tell me all the time, "see, look what God does when you are patient!"  I am not quite sure how to say this, but I was anything but patient.  In fact, my patience was worse than the time when Sarah had her husband Abraham sleep with Hagar because she was tired of waiting on God’s promise for a son (See Genesis 16).

If you read my piece called The Bracelet, then you may have figured out that I have struggled with dating most of my life. Hindsight is often 20/20, and I am so thankful for those moments in my past when I was obedient to God in even the smallest of ways.  It reminds me that God met me where I was and worked from there. Thankfully the patience of God is unmatched. If I were Him watching me take 2 steps forward only to see me run 22 steps back during my walk, I probably would have given up long ago. But God being who He is, ran right back to me to start again. Often I had to let Him in, but He was right there waiting for the invite.

I met my husband in 2017 doing work in community. He and I were both in very messy relationships at the time (again, see The Bracelet for part of my story).  I think we both found each other attractive in a worldly way, but some divine power, we now know to be God, protected us from our habits.  We did develop a friendship, eventually finding out we had sons the same age, along with some shared interests. We were even able to hang out a few times with our sons. However, this came to an end as we were both battling our own issues, eventually losing touch for a few years. But, this is the time God really stepped into our lives, placing particular people in our paths who guided us, prayed for us, and prayed with us. I am confident that the time apart allowed for some much-needed pruning to occur.

Throughout the Bible, God talks about vines and pruning and growing quite often. So what is pruning? If you know anything about gardening, you know that it is best to cut off the dead branches or vines so new and better ones can grow; even cutting back parts of the plant that appear healthy allows for better growth.  In John 15, Jesus shares a whole sermon about pruning-even the types of pruning.  Just a heads up, Jesus tells us EVERYONE requires pruning throughout our lives. Even the “good” Christians already producing good fruit require a few snips here and there so more fruit can grow. I like to think God uses cute pruning sheers for them, but I am pretty sure that pruning hurts too. For the rest of us, who require the entire branch to be cut off and burned, pruning can sometimes feel unbearable in the moment. Let me be brutally honest-those of us who required this amount of pruning are in what feels like excruciating pain in that moment.

Pruning is often compared to disciplining. I can’t think of many long-lasting good things that do not require discipline to attain.  Losing weight, strong careers, raising children, daily devotions all require commitment and disciplined choices. Like Hebrews 12:11 says, it seems hard now and may even hurt, but the rewards are great if you can stay focused-this is definitely paraphrased.

Looking back, I am pretty sure that during the time my now husband and I lost touch, God was utilizing the type of pruning that required cutting branches off with a hacksaw and burning them because there were a lot of dead branches blocking the good part of the tree.  Please do not misunderstand-I required this pruning because of choices I made, so I had to go through the pain that resulted from those choices-that is the process of pruning.  There was a break up so severe I had to block numbers and change locks. I had amends to make with those who I hurt along my path of bad choices. I remember many moments of intense agony, panic attacks, fear and eventually a career change. These moments, though in the past now, felt like they would never end. This validates Hebrews 12:11 even more as I definitely was trying to take short cuts to relationships, career advancement, and even my relationship with God.

My husband had his own pruning happening that included a messy break up, financial issues, and loneliness.  Toward the end of this major pruning for both of us, the pandemic hit.  I know this was a terrible time in society, but in this forced isolation I didn’t have my go-to coping mechanisms. Bars were closed, people were in the house, and I was truly forced to isolate. As you get to know me through my writing, you will know that I stand firm in Romans 8:28 where God uses all things for His good, and this goes for the pandemic too.

In my new career, which started in 2020, I was considered an essential worker. When others were working from home, I was at the office or in the community. Come to find out, my now husband being an essential worker as well was in the same situation. This is the part where God’s work in us starts to become clear.

One day, my team was putting together care packages for community, and he walked in. It was random, out of the blue and God’s doing.  We laughed for a few minutes, but I didn’t even think about it after that. God must have been working hard on me because normally, I would have reached out later on to just see how he was doing, but for whatever reason, I didn’t.

A few weeks later, he text me just to say Happy Mother’s Day.  I was excited to hear from him, so we continued to text back and forth, eventually making plans to get together the next day. I really had no expectations because I think my heart was finally healing and becoming realigned with Christ. The next day came, and since all restaurants were closed, we made dinner together. Then we spent the evening talking, laughing, and learning where God was working in our lives. Like I said before, it was not my excellent discipline of patience that led me to that moment.  Unbeknownst to both of us, God was using that time apart to prune both of us in preparation for us. God had to get rid of the dead branches and burn them so we couldn’t try to get them back. In true pandemic fashion we were married six months later over Zoom. 

Please know my patience and discipline through the process of pruning was not always stellar; there were days I went in to quiet time kicking and screaming. But God was there every step of the way with his pruning tools, often requiring more than just the sheers. But, each time a new, fresh branch started to grow back, I could almost hear God say, “Look at what I am doing my child. Please be still so I can continue my work.” So, when God shows up with the saw and matches to do your pruning, know that the pain is temporary.  The fruit that will come from your new branches can only be beautiful and delicious if you let God do His job.

-Rae of Faith