If We Are Honest...

Dear God,

The longer I am a mom, the more I am grateful for Your forgiveness and patience with me. For all those times I questioned or disobeyed You because I thought I knew better, because I didn’t understand, or because I just didn’t feel like it—please forgive me. I am finally starting to understand what You were saying to us in Proverbs 3:5-6, Isaiah 55:8-9, and most importantly, Jeremiah 29:11. Trusting and obeying You is not easy for me; I like control. But God, I really do want to follow Your plans, Lord—I just don’t know what they are yet.

Well, there it is. I really do want to follow Your plans, Lord—I just don’t know what they are yet. And if I’m being really transparent, I also want to know the following about said plans:

• Do Your plans align with my plans?

• Will Your plans be easy?

• Will Your plans require me to give up my job or be more giving?

Being a control freak, there is so much I want to know about Your plans. Frankly God, I can’t see what You see; I don’t know what You know; and that makes it really hard because I would like to make sure Your plans do not interrupt my plans. Honestly God, the next time You tell me to do something and I question it, maybe just say, “Because I said so.” After all, that’s what I say to my teenager when I know I can’t explain it in a way he’ll understand.

Speaking of this teenager, God...

The more interactions I have with him, the more I am in awe of how patient You are with us. How do You do it? As a mom, I can see how HIS decisions affect the future; however, he doesn’t usually appreciate my feedback. The older he gets, the more he thinks he’s right. I don’t understand, God. Why can’t he just listen, obey, and trust me?

And there it is... I imagine You feel this way every single day with me. I can’t imagine what Your thoughts were about me 20 years ago... Wait, yes I can because I remember; the Word says You ARE love. Thank You for grace, forgiveness, and love. God, thank You for molding me into the person You are shaping me to be. I don’t get it right all the time, but the more I am in Your Word, the more I can pray this prayer with the confidence that Your ways are better than mine. So God, here is my prayer for my son. (Whoever else is reading this, feel free to make it your prayer for your child too.)

God, I give my son to You. I am thankful he is baptized and saved, but I pray that whatever needs to happen to help him make You Lord above all, please do this. Help him not to conform. Help ME not to conform as his mom. God, protect him in his trials, but please help him see and remember You are Lord. Psalm 23:4 prompted me to pray, because You will be with him (and me). Then You led me to Philippians 4:6—so I know he will be okay. Then Isaiah 41:10—because I am so scared… Romans 12:2—so I don’t conform or give in… Thank You for the next verse in John 3:16, because God loves my son more than I do, which is mind-blowing. Finally, God, thank You for leading me to Proverbs 18:10. I believe this promise that he will someday run to You. Because You said so.

Amen